Sunday, 1 March 2015

You 101

10 Moronic Things I've Done 
  1. Wasn’t there for the birth of my nephew. 
  2. Broke my leg long boarding stoned.
  3. Threw a pot of boiling water at someone.
  4. Bleached my hair twice in one week.
  5. Got hit by a parked car.
  6. Fought a drug dealer in Jamaica.  
  7. Sat on fire ants.
  8. Bitched at a pregnant women for smoking, only to learn she wasn't pregnant.
  9. Watched one season of Glee.
  10. Stopped writing for many years.
The "why's" and "how come’s" are irrelevant.
I’d love to respond with:
"Because I'm an idiot."
but I would be lying. 
I’m no idiot. 
I’m actually one of the smartest people I know. 

I am capable of moronic things, that is true, but I can assure you, I never leave the scene of an idiot accident without a better understanding of the victims and the underlying message. To the naked eye, I am indeed a fucking moron.

I used to be the type of person who never looked beyond what was in front of her. I used to think that what was... was the only. Let’s put it this way, I’d eat the yellow snow of life, before ever even realizing that there were fields of fresh fallen snow all around. 

Everything that happens to me, is with good reason.
As awesome, shitty, painful or absurd, everything is with good reason. It all fine-tunes the only person that I ever want to be and, conveniently, the only person I can ever be. Maybe some of you reading this are thinking:

You are 100% correct. 
I am. 
You gotta be. 
Who else is going to have your back as much as yourself? IT’S YOUR BACK! 

The only time I ace the pop quiz’s of life, is when I answer the questions to the best of my ability. Anytime I cheat and copy someone else’s answers, I get caught and flunk.  

I research the shit out of myself. I pay attention.
It is imperative to always know and understand why I do the things I do. I get me. I am the only one who needs to. 

Get to know you. 
Know you well. 
Be ok with not being ok to those around you. 
Who the fuck wants to be on their deathbed looking around the room, asking everyone: 

“How’d I do?” 

I don’t excuse myself from hurting others, I don’t make excuses for the hurts I cause myself and “because it hurts” is no excuse. 

I know this. 
This I know.

I used to be obsessed with making sure everyone around me was happy. When in retrospect, yes, I was making one person happy but that would obviously result in making someone else unhappy. My life had become a giant game of Jenga. 

A block here to make it not tip for me, ticks off another player cause I stole his move, but that makes another player happy cause he/she didn’t want that player to win and so on and so forth. Hate to break it to ya babycakes but eventually that shit’s coming down whether you, they, them, or whoever likes it or not. So I decided to no longer play. 

Instead I played a new game. 
Learn E. 

Once I learnt pobody's nerfect, I was able to stop beating the snot out of myself and understand the mechanics of this spicy little rocket ship. (Me) That was the only way she was going to soar. 

The less I paid attention to what other people were doing and what other people wanted from me, the more I was able to see what I was doing and what I wanted from me. I was constantly helping people rectify their lives. I was so wrapped up in using the magic wand I thought I had...that I hadn’t the slightest clue my own life was feeling neglected. The eerie part was that I knew damn well I was giving people my all, yet they were never ever going to do the same. It sickens me to think of the amount of shit I ignored for the sake of putting someone else before me. 

10 Moronic Things I've Done 

Furrow your brow, bite your tongue, tell me how you feel, call me names, lecture me, laugh at me, scold me or don’t pay me any mind, either way those ten things happened,  and if given the opportunity to turn back the clock, guess what! They'd happen again!

I know why those things ended up on that list and I am fully aware of why they will never be on it again or why they will. If I wrote in detail, why I did what I did, 50% of you would see my side and understand. The other 50% would call me a shitty human being and the percentage of me caring would be, and will always be, zero.

Some lessons can only be learnt the hard way. 
You can't get smart, if you don't get stupid first.

According to my research, I need moronic things to happen and I need to make stupid decisions. That’s how I learn. That’s how I grow. That’s how I was built. I have to do things the authentic E way, despite the outcome. That’s why I get such good grades at U of E. Because I study. 

"You can't win them all"
Connie Mack
professional baseball player/manager/team owner

You can’t
No no no...stop thinking about it. 
You can’t. 


You can win when you're the umpire. When you're officiating your own game, that’s you winning. 

Did you play your best? 
Did you try for all the right reasons? 
Did you learn anything? 
If not, how come? 
Fuck the score! Don’t look at the board! 
If you did good by you, then you won! 

I’m a living, breathing, walking example of what Knowing Who You Truly Are looks like. I got to know me. I got to know me well. Myself and me are only going to get tighter with age. I understand myself and because of that we have an understanding. I’m ok with not being ok to that 50%. I’ve got nothing to show for it and my life has not been easy. 

"Nothing to show for it" because you can’t see inside my head.

"Hasn't been easy" but getting easier, all because I show up to class and take notes.

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