Tuesday, 3 February 2015

The Angry Princess

A poem by EFG

In a land no one knew, up a mountain no one’s seen,
stood a crusty old tower, that housed a daughter of a queen.
She lived there by choice and spat on her thrown.
She could tolerate no one and wanted to be alone.
Her tower was eerie and cold, with a moth ball scent.
Probably cause she built it in a place where the sun never went.
Her mother would call, begging for the princess’s return.

“The world isn’t so bad my dear, please daughter learn!
Come back to the kingdom. These are orders! Don’t scoff!”

To which the angry princess replied 

“Mother... fuck off!”

The royal phone was soon slammed and a cigarette lit,
the princess paced around her tower, angry as shit!
How dare the queen call her and beg her to come back!

“Such an absurd request, doth my mother smoke crack?”

Many years before, the princess was lost down a wood.
A forest where very few went, for very few should.
She never spoke of the horrors she faced in the bush. 
She returned angry and took it out on the sweet royal kush.
She soon packed all her things, and chose the easiest rout,
flipped the bird to the kingdom, yelling “Peace bitch! I’m out!”

She found a land no one knew, up a mountain no one’s seen
She built her tower on her own, where she lived bitter and mean. 
She gunned down cute birds from her window and poisoned the deer. 
She threw rocks at the squirrels, while guzzling beers!
She’d demolish the flowers and stomp on the ants.
She’d strip down on the rooftop yelling “fuck you pants!”
She’d lost her royal mind, she was sane no more.
She wanted contact with no one and sealed up her door.

One day she opened her window, gold and silver she began to chuck,
until she heard a voice from below, that shouted

 “Bitch! Are you fucked?”

The princess yelled back “Who goes there!? Leave or I’ll shoot you down dead!”

She heard 

“Now you’re going to kill me... after throwing gold at my head?
Don’t make me climb up there, I’ll drag your ass down!
I know who you are Princess, I don’t give a shit about that crown!”

“Who sent you!?” demanded the princess “For what purpose are you here!?”

“Watch that tone, or i’ll burn this thing down...just so we’re clear!”

The princess slammed the window, furious at the nerve.

“Oh you did not slam that window! I’m coming up there, observe!”

Impossible, thought the princess, for her tower was quite high.

“Oh really?” shouted the princess “Well I hope you can fly!”

 loud bangs on the window! This visitor was not playing.
Princess opened up and was greeted with “You were saying?” 

Livid, the princess grabbed her cigarette, this next part is no lie,
she seared the visitor with it, unexpectedly, right in the eye!
That caused the visitor to fall down, down, down,
  ONLY after gripping the princess’s hair and royal crown!
They landed face first and hit the earth with a thud.
The princess’s teeth were now missing and she was covered in blood!

The visitor got up, not a scratch and all limbs in place.
She looked down at the princess and kicked dirt in her face.

“You crazy ass princess! I was just passing by!
Then you dented my head with gold and burnt me in the eye!?
And when’s the last time you left your tower? God girl you reek!”

Princess knew this was truth for she hadn’t showered in a week!

“Get your shit together you burn out! Your royalty for fuck’s sake!
Stop being a wuss or die here, it’s your decision to make!
The kingdom’s moved on with their lives, while you live in fear!
You know what? Not my problem! I’m getting the fuck out of here!”

The visitor spit at the princess, grumbling as she stormed off.
In the dirt, bloody and bruised, Princess wheezed out a cough.

“What the fuckith just happened?” She found strength to say.
“I’m out of my tower? I never thought I’d see the day.”

    ✶ ★ 
       ✶    ★    
       ✶    ★    

She looked around at the world, which she hadn’t seen it in awhile.
And for the first time in years, finally, Princess cracked a smile.
The sun was shining all around her and the air was so warm.
Suddenly, she felt a peace deep inside, like calm after a storm.

“I am forever grateful to that stranger for pulling such a stunt!
Though she broke all my bones and was an absolute cunt.
You bird! In that tree there! Do you know who that was?
Do you know anything about her, where she lives or what she does?”

The bird replied “I shouldn’t help you you drunk, you shot down my wife!
But...for that I am thankful. That stranger was Life.”
The Princess rolled on her back and looked up at the clouds.
With whatever strength she could muster, she shouted out loud,

“I am forever indebted to Life for not passing me by,
but dear bird call an ambulance! I think I might die!
I shall be angry and bitter no more, I’ve now made the switch!”

The bird replied “Ha! And you thought you were bad? Life is a bitch.”

oddchickout productions presents
The Angry Princess: The Movie

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